I Am Awesome, Therefore I Am
by Dreamers Deranged
Summary: Twelve year-old Alfred F. Jones makes the discovery of his life. Too bad Francis had to make it perverted.


Disclaimer: Hidekaz Himaruya owns the world, not I.

**xxx**

Twelve year-old Alfred F. Jones raced from his desk straight up to the front of the room as soon as the teacher had exited with their principal for some stuffy conversation or another out in the hallway.

"Hey, everyone!" he shouted. "Pay attention to me!"

Unfortunately for our little American, this was a normal occurrence and many lost interest in the things he had to say after the first dozen times or so. Instead of looking up at him as they first had, they turned towards each other in their own little circles and started conversations of their own.

"Hey!" he yelled again. "I said listen to me!"

"No one cares anymore, so you can just like, shut up and stuff," someone from the back said.

Alfred spluttered up front for a second. "You can't just ignore the greatest country ever!"

This caught their attention.

Arthur was the first to recover and ask, "What now?"

The gleam in Alfred's eyes returned. He smacked his hand against the white board where the US map had been lowered for their lessons and declared proudly, "I am America!"

Silence filled the room as the young boy up front beamed with some kind of victory. Again, Arthur was the first to recover and ask, "What?"

Alfred stood with his hands on his hips and laughed. "That's right! I discovered that I am America!"

He looked at the oddly when he was only met with silence again.

"What's wrong with all you?" he asked.

"I think they want to know why," Kiku provided.

"Oh, that's easy to figure out." Alfred said it as though the explanation was so simple. "I'm awesome, and an American. Americans come from America, which is also awesome. So because I'm awesome, and America's awesome, I am America!"

He pouted slightly when no kind of acknowledgement of what he had just said was verbally made.

"What's wrong with all you?" Alfred asked yet again.

"Oh my God," Arthur blanched. "You were paying attention in Maths."

Suddenly, Francis got up from his seat and made his way up to the front as well. He faced the unrolled map and studied it, as though intently. Then a devious little smirk appeared on his face, which disappeared the moment he turned to face Alfred.

"So you're America?" he asked the other blonde.

"Yeah," Alfred began. "Because America's awesome and I'm awesome."

"Yeah, yeah," Francis metaphorically waved off. "So if you're America, does that make this-" He moved his hand around the land mass depicted on the paper hanging in front of them. "-you?"

Alfred tilted his head to the side. "Um, yes?"

"So if you are America and America is you, that makes this-" He moved his hand around the map again. "-your body. Really. So if that's true-" He pointed at Florida. "-then that's your penis, right?"

The entire classroom was divided between those shocked at the statement and laughing hysterically. Alfred's face lit up immediately and he moved to cover the state with his hands to the best of his abilities.

The doorknob started to rattle, indicating that the teacher was coming back into the room. Francis ran back to his seat to act as though he never stood up at all. Alfred was still trying to cover up the state of Florida even as the door was wide open, face as red as ever. The laughter still hadn't stopped.

"Aiyah, what's going on in here?" the teacher asked. "Alfred, what's going on, aru?"

The twelve year-old looked at his instructor with tears beginning to form in the corners of his eyes.

"They're laughing at my penis!" he cried out.

Another wave of laughter, a little louder than before, rang throughout the small room. The instructor covered his face with his hand and sighed.

**xxx**

A/N: Dudes, wtf? Lol, I have no idea. Woke up like, at 6:30 and was going to do something else, and this came out. I was like, "... XD!". I think I thought I was dreaming or some shit 'cause I passed out again and woke up like an hour later (still in front of the computer) and when I read it again I was like, "...wtf?". Meh whatevs, postin' it for the lulz! -_Laith_


End file.
